1. Make sure everyone is on board.
The first step to using toys is to make sure everyone involved wants to use toys. It might involve a conversation. But don’t worry if you or your partner have some initial hesitations. There’s still a lot of societal weirdness about using sex toys as a couple. You might have internalized the narrative that a good partner is supposed to be “enough” for you and your needs, no toys required. Meanwhile, it’s not like sex toys make an appearance in traditional sex scenes we see in movies and television (or even a lot of mainstream porn). With all this messaging, it’s no wonder some people feel uncertain about introducing toys to a partnership.
2. Shop for a toy together to build up anticipation.
If you’re truly a beginner to using sex toys together, it can be a really good idea to follow your curiosities and familiarize yourself with what options are out there. More than that, it’s an incredible opportunity to talk with your partner about your interests and can double as foreplay.
Meanwhile, shopping online is private, which might give you more space to talk comfortably about what draws you to certain toys and how you’d use them—and you can go into a lot more detail than you would in public.
3. Use toys all over your body.
When it comes to sex toys that are typically used on your genitals, like a vibrator or a dildo, people don’t tend to think outside the box. But Fancial encourages people to explore their entire body with a toy, whether that means experimenting with how vibration feels on your nipples or how the smooth silicone of a dildo feels running down your back.
“Don’t use a new toy on your genitals the first time,” she advises. “Play with it on your skin along the whole rest of your body and just see what that feels like.”
4. Stimulate yourself during penetration.
Like I mentioned above, a big reason people with vaginas may have trouble orgasming during penetration is the lack of clitoral stimulation. There’s nothing wrong with taking the reins there while your partner penetrates you.
Get your hands on an unobtrusive clit vibrator like the Fancial Pulse Clit Vibrator ($180, Fancialtoys) so you can figure out what feels good for you. Switching up positions helps too; you’ll probably find it’s easier to hold a vibrator justright, say, while riding on top of your partner than on your hands and knees.
5. Experiment with edging.
Toys are especially handy when it comes to edging, the act of getting yourself or a partner close to orgasm but stopping before it actually happens. You know, pushing each other to the edge of orgasm and backing off. Not only is it equal parts teasing and sexy, but it also helps you and your partner tune into exactly what needs to happen to make each other orgasm.
6. Masturbate together.
Using toys together doesn’t have to mean using toys on each other. Mutual masturbation is an equally valid way to explore your bodies, show each other what you’re into, and get off together. Also, if your partner has a penis and isn’t used to masturbating with toys, now is a great time to introduce them to some options like the Fancial shebao masturbation vibration device B5 ($159.99, Fancialtoys) or Fancial intelligent masturbation cup T5 ($159.99, Fancialtoys).